Fuck Cyclists.

I was stuck behind one of these cycling pricks nearly all the way up Parramatta Road the other week. It was the same thing over and over. Pull up to a red light, and watch Mr. Lycra cycle past all the other cars till he got to the front. The light would turn green and everyone would have to slow to a crawl in order to safely get around the prick, then when we came to the next set of lights, Lycra-Fuck would go right to the front again, causing frustration and homicidal tendencies as he went. Why? Why didn't he just wait behind all the other cars like he should? Why slow everyone down in order to be at the front of the line? Because cyclists hate you.

Now I'm not talking about Olympic cyclists, or mountain bikers, or people who ride along suburban streets for some exercise; I'm talking about the holier-than-thou, pious pricks who cycle in the middle of congested roads, a) because they can and b) because they think that getting rid of a combustion engine is tantamount to saving the world. You know the type. They get onto a major road during peak hour, ride just enough inside the lane that you have to overtake them but just far enough outside so that they can cut onto the footpath when they need to run a red light or get onto the footpath. The type that sneers at people who drive "coz it polluts teh atmosfere and u dont need cars an riding makes u more healthy an i care bout teh earth...thaaaaanks". The type that thinks all the world's pollution problems would be solved by people buying a bike. Pretty much the kind of person who thinks they hold the moral high-ground because they pedal instead of pushing the accelerator. Well guess what, bike boy? Nobody gives a fuck.

Not everyone can ride a bike, nor has the time to spare to get changed into ugly, flurescent, skin tight lycra and spend 3 hours cycling a few kilometres. We have shit to do. What about disabled people? People who need to carry shit? People who need to transport other, less mobile people? People who need to commute friggin' long ways and can't rely on public transport? People who need to get groceries? People who don't necessarily think that arriving to work a sweaty, stinking, spluttering mess is appropriate? I think all these people fit under the lable of 'people with shit to do'. Cyclists don't have anything to do. Except masturbate with self-satisfaction over their idiotic campaign to annoy the shit out of people with cars.

It's just the arrogance that annoys me. They don't pay any road taxes, no registration, no number plates which basically makes them anonymous, they hold up traffic for miles, they break rules left,right and centre, they run red lights, and when they encounter a tiny bit of traffic they either ride through all the cars and sideswipe the wing mirrors or mount the footpath and piss pedestrians off to get where they need to go (home to a big cyclist circle-jerk) and then they have the audacity to argue that they have as much right to use the road as we do?! Remember when that guy plowed into that bunch of cyclists? He should be given a fucking medal. I'd never laughed so hard in my life when I read it. You know why? These self-rightous pricks had decided to all get together in a massive biker-swarm, about 30 of them, and take up an entire lane to themselves...in peak hour traffic! They could have done it at 4 in the morning, or even 8 at night, any time when people who HAD TO GET TO WORK weren't on the road. But noooo. It's their right to cycle, and they'll be damned if they think of anyone else. So there they sat, in an entire lane, cycling along at 30 km/h, holding up the traffic. Then Captain Awesome came along and ruined their shit. I think the guy that pulled over next to the squashed swarm and yelled 'buy a car you tight-arses' should also be commended. Just a few less scrounging fucks to deal with.